“Don’t you know yet? It is your light that lights the world” –Rumi
When I began this mysterious journey of finding my inner light, I was rather foolish. For years, my intention was solely on connecting to the light, but I have come to understand that embracing the dark is also an important part of being human. Conceptually, this has helped me to expand and continue growing. Light and dark will always exist together; there will always be the good and the bad, the pleasurable and the painful, the hopeful and the hopeless, and the hero and the villain. For this reason, I have come to view all things that I perceive as dark as opportunities to surrender to the fullness of letting go and trusting.
My request for “light” began around the tender age of six; from my tiny little closet, I offered God a handwritten note, full of misspellings. Our family rarely visited church, and God was not a common household name. So my first whisper to the divine happened from a place deep within myself with little to no influence from the outside world. In my letter, I asked God to “pls help me no one can live with all this hollering.” My family of origin was not a very happy place. I learned early and quickly that life was a joyless struggle. As a kid, I felt like an animal caged within my parents’ devotion to unhappiness; my existence seemed to have limited purpose other than their enjoyment. Metaphorically, my childhood was much like a primitive zoo, where humans placed helpless animals in cages and then paid to gawk at them for no better reason than our own amusement. My mother has held my letter to God near and dear to her heart over the years, but it did not serve as a wake-up call; that call did not come until I was 18 years old, when my parents finally ended their tangled, miserable mess of a marriage. At that point, in actuality, I was already free from my figurative cage.
Since that time, I have sought God’s help, wisdom, and counsel. As a child, my prayers were always requests made in moments of desperation, but as an adult my prayers are more about the fears or perceived obstacles that I want to surrender to the universe so that I can potentially expand beyond my physical form. My desire is to connect with that inner light that resides within me and within all of us.
What is the inner light?
It is my soul – that place where nothing is lacking. It is the part of me that is:
- Able to see love
- Able to connect to the fullness rather than the lack
Why do I want to seek and connect to my inner light?
Thus far, I have found connecting to this light to be the way to my fullest expression and the very best way for me to serve God and humankind.
How did I begin to find the light that lives within me?
I began to find the light through stillness. The actual asana practice of yoga prepared me for a daily sitting meditation practice. Through the stillness, I began to witness an inner knowing or inner voice. At first, I doubted it, but the voice just got louder, stronger, and greater than my uncertainty. Once I acknowledged this inner knowing, I had to take hold of some courage. I have found it takes an immense amount of courage to listen to and follow this voice. It means going off the societal path. It means holding your own flashlight. It means trusting that your heart knows better than your mind.
What are some ways I share my inner light?
The most magnificent way is just being me!
Choosing not to play small, (acknowledging and soaring right past fearful thoughts).
I accept the light and the dark that live within me.
I wake up with nature; the sunlight is my alarm clock (most days)
Every morning, I cheerfully play a song that speaks to my soul – one that sends goose bumps up and down my physical body.
I find a way to be grateful (even when things seem difficult and painful).
I share my smile and heart with everyone I meet.
I look into people’s eyes – beyond the physical form and into their soul.
I choose to be present with others.
I try and talk less and listen more (this is a hard one for me!).
I find ways to inspire myself daily, through quotes, pictures, and books.
I appreciate the strength, determination, and awe of others. There are some truly amazing beings out there and they light me up!
I take a moment daily to pause, close my eyes and tell myself, “I am enough.”
I practice forgiveness every day!
If a perceived obstacle (or darkness) appears, I journal like a wild man.